Realizations

What is it all about? What is it that I just don't get? Why have so many things in me gone left unchanged? What is He all about? I try to do good, I try to witness, I try and try and try to achieve success and perfection and yet I fail.
And you know what I find in that failure? I find two things: love and grace. Forgive me for sounding preachy I don't mean to, but it isn't until I've failed that I realize God's love for me. It isn't until I haven't acheived the perfection I so long for that I get a glimpse of His heart. Sometimes I miss out and I don't see those two things, sometimes it seems to be hidden beneath all the self-condemnation, or pain, or guilt or just dissatisfaction-the things I so strongly and willingly accept - but lying underneath I know, or sense that love and grace are still alive and well.
I've been reading three books lately (Black, Red, White) and as I've read them a desire to know more about God, more about His heart, His character, His personality has quietly started creeping in...maybe I shouldn't say creeping in, but I have felt more drawn into Him lately because I am beginning to think that my approach to getting His heart has been all wrong.
I'm beginning to think that it is all about love. From the first page to the last. I know that there are other major points, major lessons and major messages in the Bible as well, but I think that love is one of the big ones. I want to become close to God, I want to grow so much, I want to do great things for him, I want to be able to do those things with my wife, I want to love her with as much love as God for us, I want to know God's heart and His mind, I want to challenge, I want to encourage, I want to be strong, I want to be manly, I want to love and feel compassion for others, I want to be all that God had set in His mind and heart for me to be...I guess this blog is more of a realization...a realization of love and who I want to be. Sorry if it bored ya. Take care.
God's Strength.